


The Most Epic Night to Ever Exist (The Goat is a Suprise...)

by EzzyDean



Series: Never Back Down [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3629457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyDean/pseuds/EzzyDean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He really shouldn’t let Yamamoto talk him into such wild nights but here he is, without shoes, trying to figure out who all these super cute/hot people are.  He also has a few new numbers in his phone but no faces to match them to.</p><p>Tanaka has a wild night and remembers very little of it.  Thank god he took plenty of pictures.</p><p>Now if only he could remember who some of these people are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wind Chime Laughs and Angelic Brown Eyes (it must be love)

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter based off of one of [these aus](http://ezzydean.tumblr.com/post/114613314454/angiespeggy-list-of-trash-aus-i-need-immediately).
> 
> Because we can all use a little more Tanaka in our life. Consider this a contribution to a whole handful of rare ships. (Let's play spot the rare ships!)
> 
> Once I get all the chapters up I'll tag all the ships.

It started with one phone call.  Well it was more like four calls because he ignored his phone the first three times he heard his sister’s ringtone blaring out from the kitchen counter.  When it started up a fourth time Ennoshita took the video game controller out of his hand and gave him a look that said if he didn’t go answer his phone he was not going to like the consequences.

“You’re supposed to be cleaning anyway,” he says when Ryuu pouts at him.

“Well.  I was sweeping the floor with this asshole!”

“You really weren’t,” the smug voice comes through the headset and Ryuu growls as he stomps into the kitchen and snatches his phone off the counter.  “You were actually rather pathetic.”

“Say that to my face sometime asshole!”

“Excuse me?” Snaps his sister in one ear.

“You really need better insults.” Fills the other.

“Shit.  Give me a second.”  He mutters and slips the headset down around his neck.  “Sorry, Sis.  What’s up?” He asks apologetically, cheeks flushing.

“I need a favor.  I’m stuck at work at least an hour late today.  Maybe two.  Could you pick up Noya for me?”

“Of course!  Noya loves his Uncle Ryuu after all!”

“Great.  He has a new teacher so I’ll call the school and have them let him know you’re picking him up.  You’re a lifesaver, Ryuu.”

“Anytime, Sis.”

“I may even forgive you for ignoring my first three calls and calling me an asshole when you finally answered.”

She hangs up before he can respond and he sets an alarm quick so he can pick up his adorable fluffy headed nephew on time.  When he slips his headset back up he frowns at the muttered curses coming through.  Ennoshita laughs softly just as the cursing gets louder and Ryuu steps back into the living room to see him grinning at the tv.

“Uncle Ryuu,” the mocking voice teases in his ear, “could use some gaming tips from whoever I’m playing against right now.”

“I have an urge to shove your disgustingly smug face into a hard surface.”

“Well if you can find your way out of the wet paper bag you so often seem to be in and can find your way to Crow’s Row you’re more than welcome to try.  I’m there most days if I’m not here kicking your ass.”  The victory screen rolls it’s stats and Ennoshita tosses Ryuu the controller with a smile.  “Tell whoever I was playing thank you for actually providing me with somewhat of a challenge.  It was a nice change of pace.”

“Kiss my ass,” Ryuu scowls.

“Maybe after a few drinks.”

“Whatever.”  He powers down the console and turns to find Ennoshita shaking his head.  “What?”

“That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble some day.”

Ryuu shrugs.  “Probably.”

It only takes him about twenty minutes to make his way from his and Ennoshita’s apartment to Noya’s school and he still has time to spare when he gets there so he settles on the swings and stares up at the clouds until his phone vibrates with a text.

_ You left me at the bar last night and never told me how the rest of your night was ;) _

**_ Abso-fucking-lutely amazing.  He was hot and flexible and soft in all the right places. _ **

_ Hopefully hard in the right places too  _

**_ Oh most definitely _ **

Ryuu flushes a little just remembering the previous night.  It wasn’t really like him or Yamamoto to go out to the bar on a weeknight - not anymore anyway their extremely hardcore partying five nights a week were a couple years behind them - but he was certainly glad they made an exception last night.  He had seen soft hair that was some strange mix of ashen blond and brown and grey that really had no definite color and a pair of brown eyes crinkled up in laughter and he’d been a goner.

Then he had talked to the guy.  Sugawara Koushi had been an angel in that bar, soft lights helping mask his halo as he leaned against the wall next to Ryuu with a sweet smile on his face.  He had been charming and polite and Ryuu had been shocked when he had invited Ryuu back to his place.  Most people liked to talk to Ryuu a bit but once they realized he had a tendency to be loud and exuberant about, well, almost everything they often backed off and found someone a little less wild.  Sugawara “Please just call me Suga,” had laughed - which had totally sounded like gentle chimes ringing in the wind to Ryuu - when Ryuu asked what the catch was.

Apparently the catch had been that Ryuu wasn’t allowed to wear clothes after he entered Suga’s apartment.  A catch he hadn’t minded at all.  Especially not when Suga was pressing him into the mattress with a cool hand on his chest and warm lips on his hips.

The bell rings and jerks him out of his memories and he has to quickly think about the time he accidentally walked in on his sister in bathroom to keep from embarrassing himself and potentially getting arrested.  Explaining why you’re sporting a rather noticeable bulge in your jeans when you’re alone on a school playground at the age of twenty-six is not something he ever wants to experience.

A couple more deep breaths as the kids start streaming out and he’s good enough to stand and head inside.

He can hear Noya’s excited voice as he nears the classroom.  He’s telling some wild story filled with a million sound effects and Ryuu smiles as he opens the door to the sound of wind chime laughter.  Two pairs of brown eyes stare up at him when he freezes in the doorway.

“Uncle Ryuu!”  Noya leaps to his feet and launches himself at Ryuu, laughing happily when his uncles tosses him in the air and easily catches him.

“I’ve been hearing stories all afternoon about Noya’s adventures with his uncle.” Sugawara’s smile is no less sweet in the bright light of the classroom than it had been in the dim light of the bar but his eyes shine with a mischievousness that sets Ryuu on edge as Noya scrambles down and hurries to collect his things.  “Knowing that they’re about  you makes them even better.”

“I slept with my nephew’s new teacher,” Ryuu mutters to himself.  He can already imagine Yamamoto’s epic laughter when he finds out.  Pieces of the night before flash through his mind and he turns red under Suga’s knowing smile.  “I did, oh… with my nephew’s… oh.”

“Are you okay, Uncle Ryuu?  Do you need to go see the nurse?”  Noya tugs at the sleeve of his jacket and Ryuu forces himself to look away from those dangerous brown eyes and right down into the innocent browns of his sweet nephew.

“Nah I’m fine.  You got everything?”  Noya nods and then glances to the side, cheeks puffing in a way that Ryuu knows means he wants to ask something but isn’t sure how.  “What’s up?”

“We made these today and I made one for you and Mom and me.”  A delicate circle of flowers is shoved into his hand and Noya flushes as he looks up at Ryuu expectantly.

He’s not entirely sure what happens next.  He just knows that one moment he’s looking down at his nephew with so much love his heart could burst and the next Noya is laughing and pulling him and Suga onto the floor and posing for a picture with Ryuu’s phone.

Noya giggles and carefully picks up his mom’s flower crown from his desk as Suga plucks Ryuu’s phone from his hand.  A moment later he has his phone back in one hand and Noya’s hand in the other and they’re on their way home.

It’s not until Saeko picks Noya up and that Ryuu gets the chance to check his phone and see that his contacts have been updated.

What was a blurry picture of Suga captured last night at the bar with only a name - Hottest Angel I’ve Ever Met - now has a phone number attached as well.


	2. Murder at the Music Shop (can you not with that face?)

“Don’t forget you promised you’d pick up Akaashi’s gift for me since I covered your shift last week.”  Ennoshita’s voice floats out from the bathroom on a cloud of steam and Ryuu shakes himself out of his circling thoughts about having slept with his nephew’s new teacher and the potential complications and teasing from his friends because of it.

“Yeah I know.  I’ll pick it up on the way to the gym.”  Ennoshita leans out of the bathroom to give Ryuu a look as he passes by and if he wasn’t so fond of his roommate he’d definitely have something to say about all these damn looks it’s like he’s Ryuu’s mother or something.  “I promise.  It’s that little music place down the block from the gym.  I walk right past it on my way to the gym.  I won’t forget.”

And he wouldn’t.  He knew how important Akaashi was to Ennoshita.  Hell he was the one who finally convinced Ennoshita to just ask Akaashi out already because all his hums and sighs and lip biting worrying was starting to really drag Ryuu down.

“You’re bringing him over after work tonight right?”  Ennoshita nods and Ryuu grins at the tiny blush crawling across his cheeks.  “Congrats man.  Seriously.”

“Thank you Tanaka.”

“I’ll drop it off at work for you.”

He almost misses the store.  Not because he had forgotten about his promise.  Ennoshita’s his friend, his bro, and there’s no way he’s screw up his bro’s one year anniversary gift.  Not when he’s the one who finally got those two dorks together.

No.  He almost misses the store because Yamamoto is busy laughing himself stupider over Ryuu’s predicament.

“Dude.”  The laughter slows into a few breathy almost giggles.  “You slept with Noya’s new teacher?  Damn.”

“Shit.”  Ryuu glances behind him and backtracks the half a block back to the store.  “I didn’t know he was Noya’s teacher okay?  I didn’t know he  was a teacher.  He didn’t act like a teacher.”

“Oh he wasn’t being strict enough for you?  Didn’t get out his ruler or be scholarly?”

A bell chimes somewhere as he pushes the door open and shoves his sunglasses to the top of his head, making his way to the counter with little more than a cursory glance around the store.  Music wasn’t really his thing and what he did like he usually got online or from a friend so he wasn’t too curious about the place.  “Believe me.  There was nothing, uh,  _ scholarly _ about what we were doing.  Though I might have learned a few things from him given a little more time with his mouth.”

A familiar smug snicker grabs his attention and he ends his call with a distracted goodbye as Yamamoto starts yelling at him about sharing details.

“I honestly didn’t expect you to actually show up.”  Golden-brown eyes stare him down behind black frames and Ryuu shakes his head.

“How do you know it’s me?”  The guy actually face palms, or as close as he can get without shoving his glasses into his face, and sighs.

“If that idiotic response wasn’t proof enough,” he mutters and then shakes his head.  “You’re quite loud and have a very distinct voice.  One that I’ve heard crying out in defeat enough in the last month that I recognize it fairly easily.”

Ryuu glares up at the smug face that accompanies the smug voice, eyes darting down to spot his name tag - a slightly crooked ‘Hello My Name Is’ sticker with colorful stars drawn on it and the name ‘Tsukishima’ printed in neat flowing writing - right next to the orange Crow’s Row logo printed on his fitted black t-shirt.

“Well, Tsukishima,” Ryuu leans his elbows on the counter and gives his best shit-eating grin, “lemme tell you again.  Kiss my ass.”

“Well, ‘Uncle Ryuu’” Tsukishima tilts his head and blinks down at him, “I am not drunk enough for that to happen.”

A quiet gasp makes them look to the side where a short girl is standing, blush staining her cheeks as she hurries over.  “Tsukishima I hope you’re not drunk.  You’re at work.  For another three hours.  You can’t be drunk!  You’d be in so much trouble.  And then I’ll get in trouble with Kiyoko and I can’t get in trouble with her because then she’ll frown at me and get upset and then I’ll lose my job and oh my gosh if I lose my job I’ll get thrown out and have to live on the streets and…”  The girl continues, voice spiraling up into a pitch just shy of only being heard by dogs and fingers nervously playing with the bright colored star clips in her hair, as Tsukishima lets out a long-suffering sigh.

“Yachi.”  He frowns as she starts squeaking and almost tearing up.  “Yachi,” he says softly.  “I’m not drunk or drinking and Kiyoko won’t fire you.  No one is getting into trouble.  I promise.”

“Really it’s fine,” Ryuu steps away from the counter and smiles down at her gently.  The same urge to scoop up Noya and protect him from everything bad and mean in the world tries to sneak in when she takes a deep breath and puffs out her cheeks, slapping them lightly before giving him a wavering smile.  “I’m just here to pick up something for a friend and I’m just picking on Tsukishima a little.”

“Oh!”  She perks up at this and claps her hands together, all business.  “What name is it under?”

“Ennoshita.  Ennoshita Chikara.”  She hurries off and Ryuu turns back to the counter in time to see Tsukishima shake his head and smile fondly after her.  The smile turns back into a smirk when he sees Ryuu watching him.  “Ugh I still want to shove your face into something solid.”

“Well you did manage to find your way out of your wet paper bag.  So you’re welcome to come up here and try it if you can reach.”

Ryuu glares and slaps his hands down on the counter.  “Excuse you?”

 

They’re in the middle of a familiar routine of trash talking and ridiculing so they never even notice the door open.

“Say that to my face you limp noodle!”

“I just did.  You must be too short to hear me properly.  Or did that buzz cut buzz a little too close to your brain?”

“Tsukki!”  Comes from the left at the same time “Tsukishima!” comes from the right in equally chiding tones.  Tsukishima flushes ever so slightly and leans away from the counter as a freckled guy hurries over from the door and Yachi hurries over from further into the store.

She bows and hands over the package apologizing for her coworker’s rudeness while the other guy is scolding Tsukishima and telling him he really should apologize.

Ryuu turns to leave and grins at Tsukishima who is telling the guy to  _ shut up already Tadashi I get it _ .

“I’ll kick your butt next time,”  Ryuu calls out.

“Remind me to find an easier game to play so you have at least half a chance to do so,” Tsukishima retorts.

Ryuu makes sure neither of the other two are looking when he takes a picture of himself flipping off an unamused Tsukishima so he can send proof to Ennoshita that he did indeed stop by Crow’s Row like he promised.


	3. Gentle Giants with Soft Voices (tell me you know the words to this)

Ryuu digs his headphones out of his bag and carefully sets Ennoshita’s gift in the locker.  It’s already wrapped - the girl at Crow’s Row did a really nice job at it too, or at least he assumes it’s her handiwork because he just can’t picture Tsukishima curling the bright ribbons into spirals and making the neat, precise folds for the paper - and all he has to do is get it to work after he leaves the gym to head over to Yamamoto’s place.  He gives an energetic shout and waves at the only other person using the gym at the moment before heading over to the treadmills.  He feels like running today.

Ten minutes into his jog his music cuts out and he glances down at his phone at the message on the screen.

_ Still coming over after the gym? _

He slows down enough to type a reply  **_ Yeah but I gotta stop by work for a minute _ ** and notices he has a running partner now.  He flashes a grin and laughs softly when the guy next to him flushes and almost stumbles.  Then his music comes back on and he picks up where he left off.

He’s not sure if it’s coincidence that has the man next to him running at almost the same pace, the steady thumps of their footsteps in time with the beat of the music in his ears, but it’s calming enough that he gets into a zone and manages to run straight through until his alarm cuts off his music so he can start his cool down.

He doesn’t even realize until he’s slowed to a stop and is tugging his headphones out that he’s alone.  Which is a shame because he always enjoys watching his gym partner in action.  The guy looks huge but gets flustered easily.  He can lift a lot more than Ryuu, hell Ryuu’s pretty sure the guy could bench press him if he wanted to, but he always glances around before and after like he’s worried someone will see him doing it and scold him.  He always has his long hair pulled back into a messy bun or ponytail and Ryuu occasionally wonders what it’s like to have that much hair.  He rubs his hand over his head a little self consciously as he wipes the sweat from his face with his shirt with his other hand and heads back to the locker room.

The only sound is one of the showers running and Ryuu frowns.  Hearing the singing in the shower after working out had almost become part of his routine.  Warm up, exercise listening to music, cool down, shower listening to this guy’s singing.

“Yo,” he calls out, voice echoing.  “No Hannah Montana today?”

He’s not even teasing, just genuinely curious, and he jumps a little when he hears something clattering to the floor in the showers; most likely the guy’s shampoo and soap bottles.

“I’m sorry for singing so loudly all the time,” is the almost timid reply and Ryuu shakes his head.  He’s never met someone so big who seems to be so gentle.

“Nah man it’s cool.  You have a good singing voice.  Go for it.”

“Oh no I shouldn’t.  I’ll bother someone I’m sure.”

Ryuu steps into the showers and raises an eyebrow at the guy.  “Who is there to bother?  It’s just the two of us and the girl at the counter way out front.  And I don’t mind at all.”  

He gets a mumbled garble of words and another flush across the guy’s face for a response.  But a few minutes after he turns on his own shower he hears the quiet melody of the other man’s voice drifting over to him.  It’s not Hannah Montana today, or some other pop song.  Ryuu can’t quite place it but it’s low and slow and almost a little sad and it makes him think of long summer nights spent under moonlit skies.

He’s stuffing his feet into his shoes when the guy comes around the corner from the lockers on the other side of the room.

“Hey I’m Tanaka by the way.  Tanaka Ryuunosuke.”

“Ah, um, Azumane Asahi.”

“Well Azumane Asahi you really do have an awesome singing voice.  Thanks for always sharing it with me man!”

The sputtered thank you and you’re too kind comes out mixed up but Ryuu understands it without a problem anyway.  He gives the guy a thumbs up and hurries out of the gym as his phone rings with an anxious Ennoshita on the line.

“Yes, dude, I’m on my way now.  Don’t worry.  Your anniversary gift is - shit.  On the bench.”  He turns to hurry back inside and collides with a wall of flesh with a yelp.

“Tanaka?  Are you okay?”

“Fine, Ennoshita.  Just fine.”  The wrapped gift is held in one large hand and the other is wrapped tightly around Ryuu’s elbow to keep him from hitting the ground.  As he blinks up into worried brown eyes it occurs to him just how many wide brown eyes he’s looked into today.  “Got your gift Ennoshita have no fear.  It’s in good hands.  I’ll see you in a bit.”

“It’s not even in your hands,” Azumane mutters as Ryuu stands up straight.

“Still in good hands.  Hey maybe one of these times we can pair up while we’re here.  Spot each other.  Jog together.  That sort of thing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Most people think I’m kind of scary I guess.  I think that’s part of why no one ever comes when I’m here.”

“I like the gym quieter when I’m here.”  Azumane doesn’t look too convinced as he stares down at Ennoshita’s gift still in his hand with a tiny frown.  “‘Sides,” Ryuu says and punches Azumane’s arm.  “You’re not scary.  My sister?  My sister pissed off?  Now that’s scary.  You?  You’re not scary at all.  You seem pretty cool actually.”  He plucks the gift out of Azumane’s hand and points at him.  “Next time we’re both here we’re totally becoming workout buddies.”

He doesn’t see the smile on Azumane’s face as he watches Ryuu walk away from him.


	4. Three Cats and a Crow (bros will be bros)

“Wait wait wait.”  Yamamoto waves his hand in Ryuu’s face with a giggle.  “You totally have some kind of crush on the dude from the music place.”

“I do not.”

It’s been two hours since he got to Yamamoto’s place after stopping by work like the good roommate and friend he is to drop off Ennoshita’s gift.  Yaku, Lev, and Inuoka had arrived just a few minutes after him with a six pack of beer and a bottle of some kind of peppermint schnapps that Ryuu thought tasted way too good to be legal.

“Ryuu, man, you told me that his eyes were ‘golden like dark honey on a shelf.’”  Ryuu shoves him away and downs the rest of his glass of whatever concoction he let Yamamoto mix for him.

“Just because he has nice eyes doesn’t mean I have a crush on him jeez.  He’s a smug asshole.  I much prefer angels with soft smiles and cute little beauty marks under their eyes.”  He glances around Yamamoto’s kitchen.  “So we playing beer pong or what?”

Lev shouts happily in the living room and Yaku sighs.  Inuoka wanders in and hops up onto the counter.

“Yes!”  Yamamoto points at Ryuu with a grin.  “We are totally playing beer pong.  Except I don’t have any ping pong balls.”

“Just use a quarter or something,” Inuoka suggests.

“And we’re outta beer.”

Yamamoto looks from Ryuu to Iunoka, who shrugs.  “So we’ll use whatever else you have.”

Yaku doesn’t even try to hide the facepalm he does when he realizes they’ve filled the plastic cups set up on the kitchen table with various liqueurs instead of beer.  He is only buzzed.  He is not drunk enough to deal with whatever is bound to happen because of this.

“Someone is going to end up hospitalized because of this.  I can already see it.”

“Well then,” Yamamoto tosses his arm over Yaku and leans close to him, whispering loud enough they can all still hear him, “that just means you might have to take whoever it is in and maybe see that ER nurse you have the hots for.  Iwazumi was it?”

Yaku’s face turns red.

“Why am I friends with any of you?” He mutters as he stalks away towards the bathroom.  “You’re all a bunch of children!” He calls back as they all burst out laughing.

An hour and two rounds later Ryuu and Yamamoto are playing for the winning game - best two out of three and they’re tied.  

Lev had left the kitchen halfway through round two and stumbled over to the couch, flopping onto it with his long legs hanging over one arm and his head landing on Yaku’s lap.  Inuoka had followed a few minutes into the final round and flopped onto Lev while Yaku sputtered and scolded them both.  They hadn’t been drinking the glasses on the table but Lev had been taking a shot for each drink Ryuu had to take and Inuoka had been doing the same for Yamamoto.

So it’s just Ryuu and Yamamoto and two glasses each.

“You,” Ryuu slurs and points across the table, “are totally awesome at this bro.”

“So’re you.”

Ryuu picks up the quarter with clumsy fingers, drops it twice, and squints down the table.

“When did you get four cups?”

Yamamoto puts his hands on the table and leans over his cups, staring at them with a frown.  “I dunno.”  He shrugs.  “Just toss the quarter.”

Ryuu swears he doesn’t throw it that hard.  It must have done some wicked cool ricochets or something because one second the quarter is in his fingers and the next second Yamamoto is sitting on the floor, hands over his face, and yelling about going blind.

Lev squawks from the living room and then Yaku is kneeling in front of Yamamoto and Ryuu didn’t know that his friend had like teleporting powers or something cause he totally just whooshed in like it was nothing.

“Please tell me you didn’t do this on purpose,” Yaku mutters as he pries Yamamoto’s hands away from his face and Ryuu winces because even from across the table he can see how red his eye is and it’s all watery and damn that has to hurt.  “I think I should take you to the ER.” 

“Sorry man,” he apologizes and Yamamoto waves his hands at him.

“‘s cool bro.”

Yaku frowns and goes to grab his jacket and keys.  “Seriously.  Didn’t mean to hurt you.”  Ryuu hovers over his friend a moment before helping him to his feet.

“No biggie.  At least there’s no blood or broken bones this time.”

Yaku sighs from the doorway and guides Yamamoto out.

“Try not to burn the apartment down while we’re gone please.  I’m sure Yamamoto would like to have a place to come home to.”

Ryuu shuts the door behind them and flops onto the couch next to Lev.

“Now what?”

“I dunno,” Lev says and wraps his arms around Inuoka’s waist to tug him into his lap and prop his chin on Inuoka’s head.  “But I’m hungry.”


	5. The Pepperoni Has Your Eyes (giants just need cuddles)

Kageyama Tobio does not get paid enough for this shit.

It’s just a few minutes before ten on a Friday night and he’s already so over this whole thing.  He’s already almost been shorted twice tonight.  He had one person pay half of their bill in coins.  And he had one old lady threaten to call the cops on him if he didn’t stop loitering around and peeking in her window.  

He hadn’t been peeking in anything.  He had been patiently waiting for the people inside the house he was delivering to to answer the door and he had glanced around when he heard a dog barking nearby.  Then the old lady had come out and threatened him and he had to try to complete the delivery while ignoring her shouts as her little dog ran over and started nipping at his ankles.

Now he’s standing outside an apartment door and debating how badly he needs this job.  How badly does he really need the money?  The low wage and crappy tips?  Badly enough he can’t quit yet, he reminds himself as he knocks on the door and calls out.

“Stork’s Pizza here with your bundle of pizza joy.”

He could probably stand to sound a little more enthused about his job.  But really with a slogan like that - one that they are required to call out when they knock for each delivery - how can he really be all that into it?  He’s so jealous of Hinata right now.  Getting a position at the bar on the weekends.  Lucky little shit.

There’s a weird humming noise coming from inside the apartment and he knocks again.

After a moment the door swings open and he squints into the darkness.

“Hello?  Stork’s Pizza here with your bundle of pizza joy?  Anyone there?”

Lights flicker further into the apartment and he guesses there are candles lit in there.  Who the hell would want to eat pizza by candlelight?

“Come on in,” a voice calls out and the light flickers with the sound, as if the voice is coming straight from the light.

Tobio glances up and down the brightly lit hallway and swallows hard.  But he steps inside because if he didn’t then the others would never let him live it down.  Being scared doing pizza deliveries?  That’s just ridiculous.

“We’re in here,” a second voice calls out followed by a giggle.  The weird humming noise is even louder as he inches down the hallway, startling and nearly dropping the pizzas when the door slams shut behind him and he spins around to see a giant looming out of the darkness.  Eyes glint like a cat’s in the darkness and Tobio swallows a yelp of surprise.

“I’m so hungry.”  The giant pouts as he reaches long lanky limbs out towards him and Tobio backpedals down the short hallway and stops when his back hits the wall.

The giggle sounds again and Tobio slowly looks to the side, eyes wide with fear when he spots the figure in the middle of the room.  He’s sitting in the middle of a circle of candles and grinning, candlelight flickering and throwing shadows across his cheeks, darkening his eyes in an uncomfortable way, leaping lights and darks dancing across his face.  Tobio decides that if he makes it out of here alive he’s finding a new job.  He’ll ask his neighbor Daichi for help.  Hell he doesn’t care if he has to go beg Tsukishima for help.  He’s done.  

This Stork has made it’s last delivery.

A bright flash has him blinking and bringing one hand up to rub at his eyes as giggles roll through the room.  A couple more flashes pop up and then a lamp in the corner gets turned on.

“You shoulda seen your face!”  The giant giggles and stumbles past Tobio to make a crash landing on the nearby couch.  “Man wish Yamamoto was here to see that one!”

“Don’t worry,” the guy sitting on the floor grins and points over his shoulder, “Inuoka’s got us covered.”  He glances around the room and leans forward to whisper loudly as he meets Tobio’s gaze.  “He’s got my phone so I dun accidently drunk call an angel.”

“Right.  About the pizza.”  Tobio steps away from the wall and then pushes himself right back against it when the guy hops to his feet and leans towards him unsteadily.

“All I’ve seen today are brown eyes.  Brown eyes e’vrywhere.”

“Okay.”

“But your eyes are blue!  That’s so awesome.”

“Thank you?”  

The guy waves his hand over his shoulder to the guy in the corner.  “Gimme my phone a sec.  I swear I won’t call anyone.”

Tobio blinks in confusion when the pizzas are plucked out of his hand and phone takes their place.

“I need blue eyes in my phone.”  The guy says over his shoulder as he wanders towards the kitchen.  Still wary and a little afraid for his life Tobio adds his number to the phone under the contact name “Blue Eyes” before the guy wobbles back out to him.  “Here’s your money.”

He stares down at the wad of cash that replaces the phone as the guy happily cheers the addition of Blue Eyes to his phone.

“Uh.  Have a good night?”  Tobio asks as he slowly inches away from the wall, ready to dart to the door if need be.

“You too!”  The giant waves lazily from the couch before making impatient noises and grabby motions to the third guy in the room.  “Drunk cuddles Inuoka.  You promised.”

It’s not until he’s safely out of the building and staring up at the starry night sky with a wad of cash in his hand that’s more than double the pizza bill that he realizes he could have, and probably should have, put a fake number in the phone.

He’s just happy to have not been sacrificed.

No where was it ever mentioned being a demon sacrifice in his job description.


	6. Is That a Potato in Your Pocket (some days you just don't want to get out of bed)

It’s one in the morning and Kenma just wants Bokuto to mop the floors like he’s supposed to.  He doesn’t want to hear Bokuto’s new puns.  He doesn’t want Bokuto to pick him up and carry him around the store.  He doesn’t care that Bokuto thinks he has the “Purrfect pick up lines” to use on him.  He just wants a coworker he doesn’t have to babysit quite so much so he can hide in the produce section and play games on his phone when there are no customers.

“Welcome to Cat’s Cream!”  Bokuto’s cheerful voice rings out and Kenma winces.

Yes he’s a night person.  Yes he would be awake anyway.

That didn’t mean he wanted to be here.  Listening to Bokuto sing along off-key to the radio station that couldn’t be changed and telling Kenma jokes about how he’s the canary to Kenma’s cat, among other things.  “Though I’m more of an owl than a canary.  I’m a night owl!”

Sometimes Kenma really wishes that he hadn’t roomed with Bokuto in high school.  Wishes he had never let his parents send him to a boarding school.  Wishes that Bokuto wasn’t so enamored with him.

“Kenma?”  Bokuto pokes his head around the aisle and grins when he spots him.  “Whatcha doin?”

“Hiding from you.”

Bokuto pouts and leans his head on Kenma’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to be so mean.”

“I was being honest.”

“Honestly mean.”

Kenma rolls his eyes.  “Whatever.”  A giggle reaches them and they glance at each other before heading the rest of the way down the aisle.

A guy is standing in the produce section staring intently at the potatoes.  At least Kenma assumes that’s what he’s staring at.  It’s hard to tell with the guy wearing sunglasses and all.

“What’s he doing?”  Bokuto hisses in his ear and most nights Kenma would just shrug it off and wander away, leaving Bokuto to deal with the customer.  It’s one in the morning on a Friday night, well Saturday morning, and he assumes the guy is drunk.  Dealing with drunk people is a specialty of Bokuto’s.  He’s just about to do turn and walk away when the guy giggles again and reaches out for a potato.  

Then he grabs two more.

He glances left and right, seemingly forgetting that the entire rest of the store is  _ behind _ him, and then shoves the potatoes into his pants.

“Uh,” Bokuto points at the guy and tugs on Kenma’s sleeve.  “Did he just?”

“Yes.”

Four more potatoes suddenly disappear into the pants.

Then three more.

Kenma should really stop this.  He knows he should.  It’s unsanitary at the very least and attempted theft as well.

But it’s one in the morning and there is something oddly amusing about watching a drunk guy shove potatoes into his pants.  The guy is somewhere around twenty-three potatoes and Kenma is impressed because he never imagined you could fit so many potatoes in your pants and not have them all rolling out the bottom.  At twenty-seven he suddenly freezes and spins around, finally spotting Kenma and Bokuto.

“Shit.” He mutters and glances down at his lumpy pants.  “I totally have an explanation.”

“How many do you think you can fit?”

Kenma sighs because of course that’s Bokuto’s concern.

“That’s exactly what I was trying to figure out.  Y’see my friends and I were having a discussion ‘bout potatoes and now I have to see how many I can fit in my pants.”

He’s quite sure that there is at least a step or two missing in that explanation but he’s not sure he really wants to know what they were.  Bokuto steps past him and grabs three more potatoes.

“Think we can hit thirty-five?”

“Dude yes.  Let’s do it!”

Ten minutes later they have thirty-eight potatoes in the guy’s pants.  Thirty-eight.  Kenma is going to have to explain how thirty-eight potatoes wound up in the trash because there is no way he is letting Bokuto put those back on the produce counter.

“I need a picture.  I need proof of my awesomeness.”  Bokuto agrees and the guy pulls his phone out of his jacket.  For half a second a jolt of panic ran through Kenma cause he was sure the guy was gonna try to dig in his potato laden pants for his phone.

“Take our pic Kenma!”  Bokuto grins and tosses Kenma the phone.

“Yeah, Kenma!”

He takes a couple pictures - because he knows it’s easier to give in than to argue with Bokuto right now - and hands the phone back to Bokuto.  He turns to leave them, he’s had about enough entertainment for the shift, and hisses in surprise when Bokuto wraps his arm around Kenma’s waist and pulls him against his chest.

“One more!”  Bokuto holds the phone out and makes sure he gets Kenma, himself, the drunk stranger, and the potato pants all in the shot.  He fiddles with the phone as Kenma pulls away with a frown, irritation and embarrassment coloring his cheeks.

“Uh oh,” drunk potato man mutters and Kenma tenses as he hears potatoes hitting the floor.  He doesn’t even watch as they come cascading out of the pants.  He walks away and leaves a giggling drunk guy and a loud Bokuto in the produce section.

He does not get paid enough to deal with this.


	7. Pocket Sized Sunshine (tell me you saw that too)

Shouyou can’t help but stare in mild horror as the man sitting at the bar downs the glass he had set in front of him.  Aone must sense his discomfort from across the almost empty bar because Shouyou catches sight of him with a concerned frown on his face as he makes his way over from his spot at the door.  Shouyou waves him off with a smile but Aone comes up to the bar and settles on the barstool next to the man, an intimidating wall of muscle that the man merely grins at before turning back to Shouyou.

“That was amazing!”

“Thank you?”  Shouyou squeaks.  He can’t believe the guy drank it.  He didn’t even know what the hell a Chocolate Volcano was.  It’s only been a couple weeks since he started working here at The Nest and even though Ukai had been pretty impressed at the number of unusual and difficult drinks Hinata had been able to pick up on making already a Chocolate Volcano wasn’t one of them.

It had sounded interesting though and the guy was giggly and obviously drunk enough that he didn’t seem like he’d care if Shouyou screwed up a little.  Plus Shouyou always liked a challenge.

So he had made a Chocolate Volcano with the bottles he had on hand.  There had been some chocolate liqueur, some vanilla vodka, some chocolate syrup he had found, some cream liqueur, a shot of rum and some whip cream on top.  It looked odd and he had taken a quick taste of the stir stick he used to mix it up and nearly choked at the strange mix of sweet flavors.

But the man had no problems with it.  He had taken one sip of it to taste it and then had it gone in a minute or two and now he’s grinning and giggling and Shouyou kind of feels like he somehow just dumped jet fuel onto a campfire.

“I have a serious question for you.”  The man drops his elbows onto the counter and props his chin on his hands.  “I’m Tanaka by the way.”

“I’m Hinata,” he responds automatically with a smile.  “And that’s Aone.”

“Okay.  Serious question time.  Have you seen my shoes?”

Shouyou glances at Aone and then pulls himself up to peek over the bar.  Tanaka’s socked feet are curled around the bar stool legs and he wiggles his toes when he sees them looking.

“You really shouldn’t be in here without shoes on,” Shouyou whispers to him and Aone nods.

“But I was looking for them.  I had them at the store and then I lost all my potatoes and thought they might be in here.”

“Your potatoes?”

Tanaka laughs and drops his head onto the bar.  “No my shoes.  Maybe I shoulda made Lev and Inuoka stop their drunk cuddles and come with me.”

Shouyou glances around.  He’s not sure if he should have Aone get Tanaka out of the bar or not.  He could pop in back and ask Ukai but he doesn’t really want to get Tanaka in trouble.  He seems like a decent enough guy.

“Can I have another one of those things?”  Shouyou looks to Aone for help but he stands and heads towards the door where a small argument is starting.

Two equally strange Chocolate Volcanoes later Shouyou has learned, among other things, that Tanaka is maybe a little in love with an angel he met at The Nest on Thursday night.  He kind of remembers the man Tanaka is describing - or at least he thinks he does, Takana’s descriptions are a bit confusing because wind chime laughs and indescribable silver-blond hair is a bit unusual - and he has to admit that the man was rather pretty.  Though he personally prefers taller guys who remind him of puppies.  Specifically husky puppies.

“But then like I said.  I walk into the classroom and he’s there.  I slept with my nephew’s teacher!  How screwy is that?  What if I ruin something for him?  He’s just a kid!”

“Tanaka it’ll be fine.  You said yourself that he added his number to your phone so he obviously wants to stay in touch with you.”

Tanaka’s eyes widen as this sinks in and he leans across the bar and grabs Shouyou’s wrists.  Aone tenses near the door but Hinata shoots him a grin.  He’s fine.  Tanaka is just a giggly drunk who likes to make dramatic gestures.

“You’re right. Man you’re like this ball of pure sunshine and popti- pop-  _ optimism  _ and if I wasn’t so in love with an angel I might have to fall a little in love with you.”

“Ah I’m already kinda spoken for but thank you?”

Tanaka leans even closer and gasps.  “I need to find my shoes.  Like bad.  I can’t ask my angel out on another date if I don’t have shoes!”

“Maybe you left them at home?”  They’re not at home if anything Tanaka has told him about his night is true but it’s the first thing that pops into Shouyou’s head and looking at Tanaka you’d think it was the most brilliant thing he’s heard in his life.  Even more brilliant than the idea that Tanaka’s angel wants to keep in touch.

“Maybe I did.”

“Maybe you should go home and look for them.  I can call you a cab so you can get home.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it.  I don’t live far from here!”  Tanaka hops to his feet and wobbles to the door.  He flashes Aone a grin and pats his arm as he passes him.  “Keep an eye on the ball of sunshine, okay?  He’s pretty awesome.”

Aone nods seriously and holds the door open for Tanaka.

All the talk of lost shoes and angels and potatoes quickly fly to the back of Shouyou’s mind.  Because he’s more concerned with another story.  One that concerns a certain blue eyed friend of his.  Aone leans over the bar after he sees the last person out and locks the door.  He bumps his head against Hinata’s and waits patiently for him to finish sending his text.

_ So I hear you almost got sacrificed to a demon and wet yourself tonight. _

Aone lets out an amused huff of breath that warms Shouyou’s cheek.

**_ I did not almost wet myself.   _ **

**_ How the hell did you hear about that? _ **

_ I have my ways. _


	8. A Murder of Sleepy Crows (please don't try this at home)

It was three in the morning and all Tadashi wanted was to go back to sleep.  Who the heck even yodels anyways?  Not just at three in the morning, but in general.  He buries his face in the soft blonde hair that was tucked under his chin for a moment before rolling away with a sigh, careful not to wake anyone else up.  It was bad enough he was awake at 3:14 in the morning.

He still doesn’t understand why Tanaka thinks he lives here when he shows up drunk.  It only happens when he reaches a certain level of drunkenness - a level he hasn’t reached at all in the last six months - which is something to be thankful for.  He lives two blocks over in an apartment building that looks nothing like Tadashi’s.  He also doesn’t understand why Tanaka apparently yodels to his roommate when he’s lost his keys and needs to be let it.  

“Tanaka,” he hisses as he opens the door.  “Please be quiet you’ll wake my neighbors.”

“Who are you?  You’re not Chi!”  Tanaka gasps and spins around.  He grabs the door frame for support and leans in to squint at Tadashi.  “Did you steal my shoes when you stole my roommate?”

He also doesn’t understand why Tanaka never seems to remember him.

“No Tanaka I’m not Ennoshita and you know he dislikes you calling him Chi.”  Tanaka glares at him.  “And I have no idea where your shoes are but I know they certainly aren’t here.”

“Where’d you hide my roommate you kidnapping shoe thief?”

“Tanaka you’re quite drunk and should really head home.  Can I see your phone?  I’ll call Ennoshita and have him meet you at the park or something.”

Tanaka starts to dig out his phone and hand it over but then he makes some high pitched noise that makes Tadashi wince and he clutches his phone to his chest.

“No you can’t!  Chi’s on his anniversary date with Akaashi and he’ll kill me if I call him and interrupt it.”

Tadashi debates the merit of trying to explain to Tanaka that it’s three in the morning and he highly doubts that he’d be interrupting anything other than Ennoshita’s peaceful slumber curled up with his boyfriend.  A slumber he wishes he could be copying right now.  Then he also debates the merit of simply shutting his door and letting his neighbors call the cops when Tanaka inevitably starts yodeling again but that would be a little too mean since he’s already awake and at the door.

“I’d invite you in but I’ve already got two guests over and I don’t think Tsukki’d be too pleased to find you on my couch when he wakes up.  He’s not exactly a morning person and mixing that with a hungover you would be a bit much for me to deal with.”

“Tuskki?”  Tanaka leans away from him and narrows his eyes.  Then he gasps and points at Tadashi.  “Oh my god!  Freckles!  From the music shop!”

He can feel the start of a headache trying to creep up on him.  All the times Tanaka has been over here at ungodly hours of the morning in the past year and a half and he finally remembers him.  As the guy from the music shop.

“Okay.  Calling Ennoshita is out so can I call you a cab maybe?  To drop you off somewhere else?”  Tanaka fiddles with his phone for a moment and the shows the screen to Tadashi proudly.

“See?  It’s you!”

The screen shows a grinning Tanaka flipping off a pissed off looking Tsukki from earlier that day while Tadashi and Yachi are scolding him.

“You took a picture of that?”

“I take lots of pictures.  Look at them!”

Tadashi swipes through the pictures on the phone as he tries to figure out how to deal with Tanaka.  He doesn’t recognize any of the people in them and he doesn’t understand the point of some of the pictures.  Like the pile of potatoes.  Or the weird chocolatey looking drink.  But he finds Tanaka’s shoes.  There’s a picture of them sitting outside Cat’s Cream with a single potato in between them.

“Is there someone else I can call and have meet you somewhere?  Or that I can send you to in a cab?  I’ll even pay for it if you need me to.”

Tanaka snatches his phone back with a growl.  “Are you saying I can’t pay for myself?  That I can’t take care of myself?”  He brings up his fists and glares at Tadashi with a sneer.

Tadashi can hear someone stirring inside and he frowns because he’d really like to get Tanaka on his way before he causes any trouble for anyone else.

“Not at all.  I just didn’t know if you had enough on you for a cab and, I dunno, a cheeseburger or something.  I know that when I’m out and have been drinking I get hungry.”

Tanaka’s fists drop and he thoughtfully stares down at his phone.  “You know.  A cheeseburger sounds kinda good.  I think I’ll go get one.  Maybe they can help me find my shoes.”

“Maybe.”  He’s about to step back inside when a thought hits him.  “Oh.  Tanaka.  May I see your phone again?”

“Just don’t delete my angel’s number, okay?”

He decides he doesn’t even want to know what Tanaka has to do with an angel.  “I won’t.  I promise.”

When Tanaka hands over his phone Tadashi adds his number to it under a new contact and then slips it back into his jacket pocket.  Tanaka slides his sunglasses down off his head and gives Tadashi a wave before hurrying down the hallway.  He shuts the door and leans against it with a sigh.  Sometimes he wishes he could be as caustic and short with people as Tuskki.  Maybe then he wouldn’t get stuck with people yodeling outside his apartment at three in the morning.

“Who was that?”  Tadashi glances up at the sleepy voice and smiles at the messy blonde hair and too large t-shirt as Yachi shuffles forward and drops against him.

“Nothing to worry about.  Just someone who was a little lost.”  Yachi yawns and rubs her nose against his chest.  She yelps and then giggles when he wraps his arms around her waist and picks her up.  “Lets get back to bed before Tsukki steals all the blankets again.


	9. Burgers Are Serious Business (the feelings are mutual)

The best thing about owning his own diner was the fact he could set his own hours.  Sure The Rookery didn’t have to be open from Friday morning at six til Sunday night at nine.  But he made pretty good money being open twenty-four hours on the weekends.  He didn’t mind taking the majority of the overnight weekend shifts.  Especially when Asahi worked with him.  Between the two of them - Asahi with his large stature and Daichi with his intimidating glare and aura - they rarely had any kind of trouble from bored teens or rowdy drunks.  Plus he could trust Asahi to take care of the diner for the most part while he huddled over his desk and took care of paperwork.  He did a lot of paperwork at 4AM on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

“Hey, Daichi?”

He glances up from the pile of expense reports on his desk and slips his glasses off.

“What’s up Asahi?”

The large man makes a distressed noise and gestures towards the front of the diner.  In the back of his mind Daichi notes that it’s a really good thing that Asahi is so adorable and that Daichi is kind of head over heels for him because otherwise he’d have almost no patience for the man and his timidity.  Suga likes to say that Daichi is like a bear - all intimidation and loud growls - and Asahi is some overgrown house cat - large but mostly harmless - and Daichi thinks his best friend is a little strange but somehow the analogy works.

“What is it?”  He asks as he stretches his arms above his head, letting out a soft groan when his back pops.  He doesn’t miss the appreciative look the sliver of his stomach gets when his shirt rides up and he makes sure to step past Asahi before he can move out of the doorway - the door frame scraping lightly against his back is worth it to hear the quick intake of breath as their hips brush together.

Asahi swallows hard and blushes.  “I’m, uh, not sure what to do about this guy out here.”

“Is he still out there?”

The guy had wandered in almost an hour ago while Asahi was cleaning up the store room and Daichi had been worried at first that he would be trouble.  Drunk flush face, sunglasses perched precariously on his head, a frown like the world was out to get him he had strode up to the counter and plopped onto a stool, banging his elbow in the process.  He had looked up at Daichi’s intimidating stare and grinned before ordering a cheeseburger with everything on it and a soda.

He had left the burger and soda sitting in front of the guy over a half hour ago when Asahi had come back up front.

“He’s the guy from the gym,” Asahi whispers as they peek out the door and watch the man staring at his plate.  If he didn’t know any better Daichi would say the man was confused about something.  “Tanaka was his name.”

“Go talk to him then.  He’s a new friend right?”

“I tried.  He just stared at the cheeseburger and ignored me.  I have no idea what to do.  He won’t respond to anything.”

They watch as he slowly picks up his cheeseburger and then puts it back down with a sigh.  He does this two more times before Daichi rolls his eyes and shoves the door open.

“There a problem with your burger?  Uh, Tanaka?”  The man’s eyes snap up to meet his and he grins.

“Hey man.  No there’s no problem.  Well there is.  But not with the burger.  I was just thinking about this angel, right?  And I wondered if he’d like to eat someplace like this.  I barely even know him and I am so far gone for him it’s not even funny.  Like.  Damn.”

“An angel.”  Daichi glances around as if the empty diner would help clear that up.  It doesn’t.

“Oh my god yes.  Here.  Look at him!”  Tanaka pulls out his phone and swipes around on the screen for a moment before shoving it across the counter.

The picture is blurry but Daichi would recognize that face anywhere.  He’s used to seeing that innocent smile with an edge of deviousness to it.  It’s a regular staple in his and Asahi’s apartment.  It’s the thing that usually gets him and Asahi into trouble.

Daichi glances from the picture up to the man staring at his cheeseburger.

This?  This was the guy Suga had been sighing over this afternoon?  This was the guy he had to listen to Suga ramble on and on about for two hours?

Watching Tanaka pick up his cheeseburger with a sigh and finally take a bite Daichi decides that he and Suga deserve each other.  The guy was getting all weepy because he wondered if Suga would like to go out for cheeseburgers which was ironic because Suga had bothered Daichi for forty minutes about whether or not he should ask the guy out for a date at The Rookery - supposedly so that he’d have Daichi there for back up if he needed it  - even though he knew the guy was the uncle of one of his students.

He can’t keep the laughter from bubbling up and spilling out.  Because this is his life.  His parents had suggested he go into business when he went to college and he’s sure they pictured him in a suit and tie making his way through the corporate scene.  He can almost guarantee they had never in their wildest dreams imagined he’d be in jeans and a t-shirt crouching down behind the counter of a diner laughing so hard he’s got tears in his eyes while his boyfriend hovers behind him and his lone customer - who his best friend had a one night stand with that neither party seems interested in having stay as just one night - slowly eats his cheeseburger with a slightly confused look on his face.

“Daichi?”

He waves Asahi away and then changes his mind and gestures for Asahi to help him to his feet.

“I’ve gotta send a pic of this to Suga.”

Tanaka’s head whips around and he gasps.

“You know my angel?”

Daichi just laughs again and pulls his phone from his pocket.  Tanaka’s eyes light up when he realizes what Daichi’s doing and hops onto the counter so they can get a decent shot.  Then he finally seems to register they’re not alone.

“Azumane Asahi!”  Asahi squeaks and his eyes go wide as Tanaka scoots across the counter and wraps fingers around his wrist.  “You gotta be in the picture too!  You’re my workout buddy remember?”

 

Suga really should be upset that Daichi sent him five texts at four-thirty in the morning.  He really should be.

But how can he be upset with two pictures of Tanaka and Daichi grinning with Daichi in Tanaka’s sunglasses, one of Tanaka scooting across the counter of The Rookery, and one of Tanaka, Daichi, and Asahi all smiling at the camera?

The fifth text doesn’t have a picture but he smiles anyway.

_ He’s a little drunk right now and definitely amusing.  I watched him mooning over you while staring at his cheeseburger for a half hour.  Tentative approval from Asahi and I both. _


	10. The Most Epic Night to Ever Exist (the goat is still a surprise)

It’s seven in the morning and he’s finally almost home.  All he wants to do is drag himself into the kitchen for a quick bowl of cereal and then crash into bed for most of the day.  Oikawa will just have to amuse himself until at least three because Tetsurou is not going to respond to anything but the sweet call of sleep.

His night had started out with some little old lady calling the department claiming a kid was trying to peep in at her.  He gets there to find no peeping kid but he passed a delivery guy from Stork’s Pizza on the way and he explains to the lady as her yippy dog attacks his ankles that the kid was simply delivering pizza next door and trying to do his job.

He had gotten a dozen texts from Oikawa happily announcing that Iwazumi’s crush was in the ER with one of his friends again.  This time for something about a beer pong game gone awry and Tetsurou was just glad he hadn’t needed to be involved this time.  The one incident with the kite and the telephone pole was enough for him.

He had spent his break listening to Bokuto flipping out on the phone over the dude who wandered in and started shoving potatoes in his pants.  Kenma had sent him a picture of it and he had to admit that he almost wished he had been there in person to see it.

“Kuroo, man.  I hope that the next time we go drinking winds up being as interesting as that guy’s night.”  Bokuto had gleefully told him, ignoring Kenma’s irritated voice in the background telling him that his break was over ten minutes ago and he still had half the store to mop before their shift was up.

“Agreed.”

He’s pretty sure most of his night wouldn’t have been so long if his partner hadn’t taken it off.  But it’s not like he could really blame Akaashi.  It was his one year anniversary with his precious Ennoshita and Ennoshita’s roommate was being a true bro and stepping out for the night so they could have some little romantic dinner and cuddling on the couch with a movie or something.  A little too mushy cheesy for Tetsurou’s tastes but whatever; Akaashi was a kick ass partner and he wasn’t stupid enough to make fun of him seriously.

The light is on when he opens the door to his and Oikawa’s apartment and he yawns as he kicks off his shoes.  Oikawa must have stayed up all night on his latest project.

“Hey babe?”  He calls out and hears Oikawa mumble something from the living room.  “You would not believe the night I had,” he says loud enough to be heard as he heads towards the living room, tugging his tie loose and slipping out of his jacket.  “I’m glad I got out when I did though.  Takeda from the petting zoo was calling just as I was heading out the door.  I bet that damn goat got loose-” he freezes in the doorway, “again?”  He blinks at the sight in front of him  “What the hell?”

Oikawa looks up at him from the couch, confused and doing his best to keep his laughter from spilling out.  In front of him is some guy and a goat.  A tiny baby goat in a poncho.  The guy is curled up on the floor in front of the couch and something about him feels familiar to Tetsurou though he’s pretty sure he doesn’t know anyone who would bring a goat into his apartment.

Okay he does.  But Bokuto has tamed down a lot in the last few years since Kenma actually agreed to go on a date with him once in awhile.

He takes a sharp breath in and Oikawa raises an eyebrow as he digs his phone out of his pocket.  He pulls up his conversation with Kenma and tosses his phone to Oikawa.  He watches as Oikawa skims the messages, wide brown eyes darting from the screen to the man on the floor as Tetsurou slides onto the couch next to him and buries his face in Oikawa’s soft hair.

“It does look like him.”

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a buzz cut man breaks into our apartment with a goat the same night a drunk buzz cut man is in Cat’s Cream shoving potatoes in his pants.”

“Should I call the cops?” Oikawa asks with a laugh and Tetsurou hums into his hair.

“No need.  I’m already here.  I’ll protect you from this fiendish villain.”  The fiendish villain in question groans and rolls over, fingers clenching around the poncho as the goat stares at him a moment before stepping closer and flopping down on top of his arm.  “How the hell did he get that thing up here anyway?  We live on the twelfth floor of a secured building.”

“I have no idea.  I got up when I heard the door open because I thought it was you and came out here to find him passed out on the floor.  I was debating calling you but then figured you’d be home soon.”

Tetsurou sighs and nudges the guy on the floor with his foot.  He gets another groan in response and some mumbles.

“Oi, Buzz Cut.”  He nudges harder and the guy frowns when he raises his voice.  “Wake the hell up and get off my floor.”

“Tetsu,” Oikawa chides.  “Just let him sleep and come to bed.”  Tetsurou gives him a questioning look.  “I don’t feel like dealing with a hungover stranger right now.  I’d much rather deal with getting you to relax and go to sleep.”  Oikawa winks at him and hops off the couch and only then does Tetsurou notice the shorts he’s wearing and the way they accentuate his long muscular legs.  His throat goes a little dry and he forgets all about the guy on the floor with Oikawa strips off his shirt in one swift motion and tosses it back towards him.

“Sounds good to me.”

\--

Ryuu does not know where he is.  Ryuu does not know how he got here or why there is a goat in a poncho sleeping on him.  A quick look through his phone as he slides his sunglasses into place really helps with nothing.  There are a ton of pictures with people he doesn’t recognize.  Pictures of potatoes and his shoes - which he notes are not on his feet - and drinks and cheeseburgers and the same goat that’s sleeping on his stomach.

The new contacts don’t help him figure anything out either.  He has only the vaguest idea of who “Blue Eyes” is and he has no clue whose number is listed under the contact name “Call me when you’re sober.”

He has at least three new outgoing messages to unknown numbers with pictures attached to them.

The text from Suga is exciting yet confusing.

_ Next time you get burgers from Daichi’s place I want to come with. _

He likes the sound of Suga coming with but he has no idea who Daichi is.

The fact that his head is pounding and he still has no idea where he is kind of puts a small damper on the idea of an actual date with Suga.

The goat… he is not fit to deal with right now.

He takes a picture of himself with the goat and sends it to everyone in his phone along with a short message:  _ Just had the most epic night ever (the goat is a surprise) _ .  He falls back asleep on the floor of an apartment he doesn’t recognize.  He’s gotta restore his energy to take his angel on a date soon after all.

**Author's Note:**

> And there we have it. Tanaka's most epic night ever.
> 
> Did you enjoy all the rare ships? I know I did! :D


End file.
